Volume 52: Self-control Is Critical

SELF-CONTROL IS CRITICAL

The words, “because thou hast… not asked,” echo in my heart. As a father and mentor, some of my proudest moments have not come from what Amber, Marvin, and my mentees have achieved, but from things they have chosen not to do.

Their restraint, discipline, and personal convictions reveal their character. This reminds me that God also notices what His children refuse to do.

Sometimes our desire to please the Father is demonstrated by our actions; other times, it is revealed by the temptations, distractions, and compromises we reject.

RESISTANCE MATTERS

God certainly observes what we do—but Scripture also reveals that He pays attention to what we refuse to do. There are blessings connected to restraint and the willingness to deny ourselves something we could have easily pursued.

In the Garden of Eden, God gave Adam and Eve access to an abundance of trees:

“Of EVERY tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat” (Genesis 2:16).

Only one tree was forbidden. Yet the serpent redirected Eve’s attention away from everything God had freely provided and toward the one thing God had withheld (Genesis 3:1–6).

That is still one of the enemy’s strategies. He magnifies the restriction until God appears unreasonable. He wants us staring at the forbidden tree instead of thanking God for the entire garden.

Christianity should never be reduced to a list of THINGS WE CANNOT DO. Discipleship is primarily about following Christ, knowing God, loving people, and being transformed by the Holy Spirit. Nevertheless, following Jesus demands discipline.

The words disciple and discipline are closely related in meaning. Therefore, discipleship without discipline is a contradiction.

Jesus said, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23).

Self-denial is not the entirety of Christianity, but there is no faithful Christianity without it.

GOD NOTICED WHAT SOLOMON DID NOT ASK FOR

When God appeared to Solomon and told him to ask for whatever he desired, Solomon requested wisdom to govern God’s people properly. He could have asked for wealth, long life, personal greatness, or the destruction of his enemies—but he did not.

God responded: “Because thou hast asked this thing, and hast not asked for thyself long life; neither hast asked riches for thyself, nor hast asked the life of thine enemies; but hast asked for thyself understanding to discern judgment; behold, I have done according to thy words” (1 Kings 3:11–12).

Then God gave Solomon what he had not requested:

“And I have also given thee that which thou hast not asked, both riches, and honour” (1 Kings 3:13). Solomon’s experience reflects the truth expressed in the name Jehovah-jireh—“The LORD will provide,” or more literally, “The LORD will see to it.” God already knows what we need before we ask Him (Matthew 6:8). When we prioritize His will, we can trust Him to see our needs and provide according to His wisdom—not necessarily according to every personal desire.

The lesson is that Solomon’s request was not centered upon selfish ambition. Even when invited to ask freely, he placed service above self-interest. He valued wisdom for serving God’s people above wealth, longevity, revenge, and personal advancement.

God was pleased not merely by what Solomon requested, but by what he did not request. Sometimes restraint reveals the true priorities of the heart.

DAVID WOULD NOT TAKE VENGEANCE

David had opportunities to kill Saul, the man who repeatedly attempted to murder him. On one occasion, Saul entered the very cave where David and his men were hiding. David could have ended the conflict immediately, and his men interpreted the opportunity as God’s permission.

But David refused to kill Saul: “The LORD forbid that I should do this thing unto my master, the LORD’S anointed” (1 Samuel 24:6).

Later, David found Saul sleeping, with his spear beside him. Abishai offered to kill Saul with one strike, but David answered:

“Destroy him not: for who can stretch forth his hand against the LORD’S anointed, and be guiltless?” (1 Samuel 26:9).

David exercised self-control because he trusted God to judge Saul. He would not commit sin in an effort to obtain what God had already promised him.

That principle continues in the New Testament: “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord” (Romans 12:19).

Forgiving an enemy does not mean pretending the injury never happened or preventing lawful authorities from addressing wrongdoing. It means surrendering personal vengeance to God.

When you refuse to retaliate, you are declaring that God is a better Judge than you are.

DISCIPLINE MATTERS

Joseph fled temptation and preserved his integrity, even though obedience led to prison (Genesis 39:9–12). Daniel resolved not to defile himself, refusing Babylon’s privileges when they conflicted with his loyalty to God (Daniel 1:8–9). Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego refused to worship the golden image, even without a guarantee of deliverance—and God met them in the fire (Daniel 3:17–27). Jesus rejected Satan’s shortcuts and refused to escape the cross, choosing submission to the Father’s will. Each demonstrated that self-control means valuing obedience to God above pleasure, privilege, safety, and personal escape.

WHAT HAS GOD INSTRUCTED US TO AVOID?

Scripture does not merely tell us what to pursue. It also identifies what must be rejected:

“Flee fornication” (1 Corinthians 6:18).

“Flee from idolatry” (1 Corinthians 10:14).

“Flee also youthful lusts” (2 Timothy 2:22).

“Lie not one to another” (Colossians 3:9).

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth” (Ephesians 4:29).

“Be not overcome of evil” (Romans 12:21).

“Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world” (1 John 2:15).

“Make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof” (Romans 13:14).

“Avenge not yourselves” (Romans 12:19).

“Grieve not the holy Spirit of God” (Ephesians 4:30).

These commands are not arbitrary attempts to deprive us of happiness. They proceed from a holy God who knows the destructive power of sin and desires His people to reflect His character.

SELF-CONTROL IS A PRODUCT OF GRACE

Biblical self-control is not merely human willpower. It is temperance produced by the Holy Spirit: “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance” (Galatians 5:22–23).

Grace does not only forgive us after we sin. Grace also teaches us to deny sin: “For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly” (Titus 2:11–12).

Fasting, prayer, sexual purity, controlled speech, forgiveness, financial restraint, humility, and the refusal to retaliate are not ways of purchasing God’s favor. They are expressions of faith, obedience, and surrender produced by His grace.

We do not discipline ourselves so that God will owe us a blessing. God is sovereign; His favor cannot be manipulated. We practice self-control because He is holy, because He is Lord, and because belonging to Him is worth more than satisfying every appetite.

The question is not simply, “What am I allowed to do?”

The greater question is, “What honors the God who owns me?”

There will be moments when obedience is revealed by what you pursue. There will also be moments when worship is revealed by what you refuse.

Do not trade your calling for an appetite, your integrity for an opportunity, or your relationship with God for temporary pleasure.

A holy and sovereign God sees every act of restraint performed in faith. He sees the word you chose not to speak, the temptation you fled, the revenge you surrendered, the compromise you rejected, and the desire you placed beneath His will.

Self-control matters to God because it declares that He is more valuable than the thing you denied yourself.

“Because thou hast…not asked.” Sometimes the greatest evidence that God rules your heart is found in what you could have done—but, because you reverenced Him, you did not.